The Golden Child

Dear Parents,

You are welcome. You are welcome that I am the perfect child and that you have to put so little effort into rearing me. No, no, no thanks necessary, I am just playing the faithful son. Between my troubled sister, my lazy brother, and Sammy, who can't do anything for herself, I am obviously the perfect child. My emotions are under control, my grades are good, I do all my chores without being asked, I never ask for anything, I'm beautiful, the list goes on and on. I don't think you could have asked for a better child.

It is quite obvious that I am the favorite child. It's not like I have much competition. My siblings just do not compare to me. They are all needy wrecks, while I am in tip-top shape (both physically and mentally). Dad, who stays up late and watches movies with you and then turns off your laptop after you have fallen asleep? Not Trevor, he falls asleep too. Mom, who bakes with you and it actually turns out well? Not Sammy, she gets in the way. But this isn't about them, it's about me.

I know it will be hard when I am gone next year, but you guys must stay strong. Ill come back and visit. I know that Sammy will never rise to the standards I have set, so please don't hold her to them. They're just out of her league. Remember, she isn't me, she is susceptible to flaws. The golden child knows you guys will always need him, so I will come back so you may bask in my presence.

You're welcome for this letter too,
The golden boy

P.S.
While I am well aware that I am your favorite child (I mean, at least you mom), I am not that egocentric. I will be forever thanking you guys for all that you have done for me, mainly my conception and birth, which I would not exist without. For that reason alone I am indebted to you.

This is going to be a long post script, so you might want to get comfortable.

I have to credit much of who I am to you guys. I think a lot of kids try and avoid being their parents, but if I turn into you, dad, I'd be pretty happy with that. You know, without the gut, at least. What am I saying "if"? When I become you! I know I destined to become just like you guys, I think we are all doomed to become our parent(s) in the end, whether we want to or not. We tell ourselves when we are young, I'll do it this was, not that way. But just you wait and see, you'll be doing that way. And really, if you think about it that way isn't so bad. You guys (our parents) do what you do in our best interest and I don't think that kids these days really realize that. You guys don't hate us, you're not terrible, you are the spawn of Satan. You in fact love us very much and want the best for us and you know that teenagers are stupid and do stupid things, cause Hey! you guys were teenagers too (it's hard to imagine, that was like when the dinosaurs roamed). But regardless of the time period, you guess went threw the same s*** we have to go through; the drama, the relationships, the hardships, the joys, the parties, the drugs, you guys all did it first. You guys know how this stuff works and the stuff you tell us not to do isn't because you're tying to kill our vibes, man, but in fact protect us. I think we, as the youngins, need to understand this more.

Now, I don't think we turn into exact copies of you guys, that would be weird, but we tweek it a little bit to fit ourselves and to fit the time. In the future, I'll have the "song of the day", just like you did for me day, on whatever medium they are producing songs in the future. Will it be just like your music taste? No. But the idea is the same. I'm probably going to raise my child with more Buddhist ideals, but I won't force him into the religion, just like you guys didn't force me.

I know I can never join that bandwagon of parent shaming, because you guys did a fantastic job. I must say I am amazing. I'm joking. But seriously, I really appreciate all that you have done for me. I mean you had to raise Trevor and I at the same exact time, and we both turned out alright (Trevor still need some help). I know I am the favorite, but it is only because you raised me to be this way.

I guess it wasn't too long.